Posted By Sam on February 2, 2010
Hey kids,
Been a long time without posts, not without good reason. I figure you can only take so many stories about kids doing cute and stupid stuff so I kept them to a fair minimum.
We just paid $230USD each, for 3 month SINGLE ENTRY visas which has made us feel mildly raped to say the least. Vietnam is cracking down hardcore on visas and making it simultaneously a real pain in the ass to get them, and making them very expensive.
I had this post on ‘draft’ as I had to head out midway, but since then, I believe I have to bore you with another lunatic child behaviour story.
The Story of Mr Bump, and his One Over Par.
Once upon a time… I was in class, reading the “Mr Small” book from the Mr Men series, a fantastic, patriarchal digest, when I saw Anh Đuc, the boy I’ve named “Mr Bump” – as he continually, and quite deliberately runs into things head-first, including me, padded walls, other kids and doors – start to pick his nose…
Now, in the land of Viet Nam, there’s no social stigma (among men) about picking one’s nose, and as a child, practically anywhere in the world, this is acceptable behaviour, so when a Vietnamese child does this it’s socially encouraged, up to a point…. here’s where Anh Đuc comes in, beautifully illustrating how to take it too far.
He was simultaneously enjoying the tale of the poor unemployed soul, measuring the height of a pin and some nasal debauchery when he encountered a problem. He was front row, centre, with a booger on his finger. Ối Giời Ơi, as they say.
He glanced right and saw Thanh Long, the shining beacon of intelligence in the class, my “go-to” guy for demonstrating games and dialogues, and also the biggest boy in the class. (I mention he’s the biggest “boy” only because a girl in the class, Chau Giang is by far the toughest. She often kicks kids asses if they rush at me when I get into class. My own 2.5 ft bodguard… But I digress.) He reaches his hand across and goes to wipe his booger on Long’s sleeve. I continue reading Mr Small.
His finger touches Long’s sleeve, but for some reason, reconsiders, retracts his hand and redirects his attention to his left. Long’s off the hook, but now it’s Nam Anh’s turn for some one-over-par loving, so to speak. Anh Đuc reaches out for Nam Anh’s woollen jumper, obviously knitted for him by a loving grandmother, but the heavens shine on Nam Anh and Anh Đuc decides against that too.
Aah-hah! A penny drops and Anh Đuc’s Gestalt moment jolts him to remember poor Sỹ Cường, sitting behind him, with his big brain digesting the story as his bung eye twitches with intrigue as I tell of Mr Small’s short lived career as a mustard pot filler. He’s so engrossed in the story, he doesn’t see Mr Bump turn around, carefully pick his target, and smear the booger down the front of his jumper.
Anh Đuc, comfortable in the knowledge he’s done nothing wrong, turns around and resumes listening to the OH&S nightmare that is Mr Small. Yet, the story has stopped, as what just happened, with the cold and calculated reasoning that just unfolded before me, has me doubled over in my chair. Through gasps I explain to Loan (loo-ahn… Call her Loan and she kicks you… HARD as it sounds very much like the word for C*nt in Vietnamese.. Learnt that the hard way!) what just happened and she cracks it as well.
Khoi, aka “Mr Happy” loves to sit, looking at me with this evil, clenched teeth smile with his bug eyes peeled open and his hands out like a zombie, while I read. He picked this up while reading Mr Happy and has learnt that it amuses me equally to how much it freaks me out. He just sits there doing it, and when I scan across the faces, I get a shock when I see this psychotic child heckling me with the crazy-face.
Between Mr Happy, Mr Bump and the rest of the ridiculous characters that makes up the White Rabbits 2 class at Just Kids, it’s damn difficult to keep a straight face through a storybook.
Anyway, long story short, depending on a fairly uncertain, yet promising job for Rose, we might be back around the start of May.
I’ll be starting my training for a fairly juicy job that I can really get my teeth into at FastHit.net as a Windows Server Admin, a job that’ll send me into a spin with many a Windows hosting scenario and right clicking more times than a SS Paratrooper.
Will post when I know more about Roses position. Don’t want to jinx anything by posting it online, as the internet as we all know, is evil.
See ya soon!
Category: Hanoi, TESOL, Travel Plans, Vietnam |
2 Comments »
Tags:
The Vietnamese Department of Education last night, at 10:00pm decided to close down the country’s entire school system. So until further notice, we’re out of a job. 
They can muster enough sense to throw money at severed heads, but as soon as someone gets the sniffles, they freak out.